I talk to everybody about being patient...calm...being in "the moment." Right now I have the patience of water running down stream. I have so many ideas on so many different aspects of this production that I can't get them out of my head fast enough. And 24 hours is NOT enough time in a day...can someone change that please. By the time I lay down to go to sleep, my head starts racing in a different direction, and all I can think is, "I gotta get up and write this down." Judy says I need a secretary. Ha! Who would put up with me!
I'm not on my game... I can feel it. Someone is going to say it is from lack of sleep, but that's not it. I'm antsy. Maybe a little edgy (I gotta watch that). I want everything to happen the way I want it to happen... like, yesterday. It's coming together... but not fast enough (in my head). For example - there are three tickets left for Opening Night.... still. Why? Why haven't they sold already??? I haven't been able to finish the costume selection for my character, I haven't finished the last e-mail list I was working on, I have two scenes I want to tweak blocking on....and on...and on....
When life "fits," then you feel like you are in The Zone. It's a great place... your mind is quiet, you have a calm running thru you, you see and hear everything clearly and brightly. Life runs smoothly. Meditation is not helping right now, I don't have the patience to sit still for 10 minutes. And since I had to reschedule my massage until Friday, my supply of other options is diminishing, and I am trying to keep the options out of the chemical or alcoholic area. Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know, go back to sleep. Forget it.
Lots of deep breathing. Lots of trying to get The Bickersons in my head to shut up. Lots of herb tea and water, maybe a hot shower. OK. Today begins. Breathe in... Breathe out.
25 Days until Opening.